Monday, November 10, 2008

You know you are too popular on Twitter when…

You know you are too popular on Twitter when…
  1. People don’t invite you out—they go without you and livetweet you about it.
  2. Because you instantly tweet about everything you do, you no longer see the point of confessing in church.
  3. You know where the Twitter Twanonymous 12-step meetings are held (“Hi, my name is @, and I'm a Twittaddict…”).
  4. You gossip like a complete Twit: “What a failwhale! Her mistweeted tweetahead retweet got her uninvited from the tweetup and the twitcast. With tweetard twittiquette like that she'll never be in the twitterati twibe.
  5. You never do anything without first considering how Twitterrific it will sound on Twitter.
  6. You lie about how much you Twitter to keep your friends and loved ones from trying to organize a Twittervention against you. You are always jumpy when you go out, afraid they will throw a net over you and pry your blackberry away.
  7. Everyone knows that while you’re technically still married, your spouse is actually a “Twittdow” (Twitter widow).
  8. Whenever you get long-winded, your spouse tells you to “Shut up if you can't talk like we do on Twitter.”
  9. Watching court TV you thought the bailiff said Please be tweeted, instead of “Please be seated.”
  10. In your dreams, everyone has @ symbols where faces should be.
  11. You have two homepages: twitter.com, and status.twitter.com …not necessarily in that order.
  12. You're Scobelizing your time, resources and life away.
  13. Big events nearly give you a heart attack every time—from simultaneously trying to listen to it on TV, tweet, and see what everyone else is tweeting about it
  14. You start to think in 140-character thoughts using abbreviations with too many exclamation points and question marks: “Y can't these ppl learn to p/u their own damn dirty socks. It’s thx 4 nothing 4 all the work I do around here, imho. Y do I p/u with this??!!”
  15. Two-hundred thirty-seven people already sent you this blog post this morning.
  16. If it weren't for Twitter, you would have no contact with other living beings 167½ out of 168 hours each week. (It would be never, if grocery delivery to your door was available in your area.)
  17. People DM you before calling so that they know you will answer.
  18. When you see thousands of people following the “Can you hear me now?” guy around in ads…you know just how he feels.
  19. Your kids know they won't get your attention unless the notes they leave on the kitchen table say something like “@Mom, please bring home milk and DM me if I can go to @Jason’s house.”
  20. You have your real name legally changed to your @twitterName.
  21. Obama and Kevin Rose follow you…and DM you when they need advice.
  22. You get the “Twitter Twitch”—you've twittered until two in the morning and now all you can do is lay in bed and twitch. 
  23. You never leave the site except to go to Tweet-ups.
  24. More people know you by your Twitter picture than by what you actually look like.
  25. You don't bother to have your Twitter client automatically startup on boot because doesn't everyone sleep with Twitter on the laptop next to them in bed?
  26. When Twitter goes down, you have to restrain yourself from trying to tweet about, and write in your blog until it comes back online.
  27. You understand Twitler's every reference and know exactly how he feels. 
  28. You are always accidentally trying your Twitter password to log onto things.
  29. You need a job, but you can't find one with a Twitter-friendly environment so you remain unemployed…and Twittering about it.
  30. You're more popular on twitter.grader.com than @grader itself.
  31. Your @name starts appearing in other people's Twitter jokes. 
  32. You decide to do a quick check of your tweets before your email - and it ends up being hours before you read your email.
  33. You freak out when twitter goes down for a few hours and wonder if you will ever see your friends again!
  34. You look for the UNFOLLOW button during boring TV shows.
  35. You find yourself in an actual, honest-to-goodness face-to-face conversation…and catch yourself looking for the “reply” button. 
  36. You start to think of everything in @’s as in “I wish @husband would take the garbage out…”
  37. You would never need to wear a tracking device if you were convicted of something because your BrightKite tweets make you easier to track than Barack Obama.
  38. You get wedding presents from Twitter friends you have never met in real life. 
  39. You resolve to get off Twitter to get some work done but can't remember when you had that thought, and anyway @guykawasaki is just now saying that Alltop is cool because …
  40. @guykawasaki DMs you but you miss it because you get too many DMs all at once.
  41. When your realize you're having heart palpitations from being so hyped up trying to reply to your thousands of DMs and @'s.
  42. You tweet wearing gloves when the heat goes out. 
  43. Twitter's business model depends on your tweets. Either that, or they get money from Greenpeace for saving the Fail Whale.
  44. It takes you three tries to read this post—because you have to check twitter in between.
  45. You’ve long since forgotten what it was like to have friends in the real world in the days “BT” (before Twitter).
  46. When you're off twitter, you make up new twords. You share the twords with your twouse who rolls their eyes at you and goes back to sleep.
  47. Your dog has her own twitter account.   
  48. Your name is @conniecrosby
  49. When u go online to find that recipe, you get so many DMs you logon to twitter & forget to eat dinner, much less cook it.
  50. You decide not to tweet your bad experience at a chain restaurant, just in case the CEO decides to follow your tweets and then vows never to hire you to voice their spots…Hey, with Twitter, it could happen!
  51. You write articles called "6 Reasons I am a Twitter Crack Whore"
  52. You respond @eachperson to all friends then realize you probably flooded 30 pages into the feeds of your less popular friends (…a common misconception! Here's how it really works.)
  53. You start writing on your actual blog and realize u start wrtng shrt form 2 fit what u want n 140 chars. Then you realize it's not necessary & decide to stop writing and go check out what's happening on twitter.
  54. Your mind begins to think in update format, categorizing people into TweetDeck columns... and you talk to people the same way.
  55. You insist that all of your friends sign up for Twitter, but wait to follow them until they say something interesting.
  56. All your thoughts become micro-thoughts, and then other people start to promote your micro-thoughts...
  57. When Billionaires like Richard Branson of The Famed Virgin Brand start following YOU on Twitter.
  58. Your cold has its own twitter account. Yep, check out Digg's founder: @kevinscold. 
  59. You no longer like 'talking.' You now prefer talking in tweets... Or 'twalking.' You are constantly competing in your mind to communicate in 140 characters or less.
  60. You realize Twitter should be called “Twitch” for how compulsively your fingers are at needing to keep typing something.
  61. You type e-mails and just hit ENTER - then wonder why it didn't go.
  62. When you find yourself converting all your blog posts to excerpts.
  63. You're supposed to be a legal observer, but you spend election day at the polls compulsively checking your phone for Twitter hashtag election results
  64. It gives you flashbacks to the BBS days
  65. You find yourself nodding knowingly to every item on this list
Add to the list by leaving a comment or email /Twitter it to me. Tell me what words to use for your link (or I'll just use your name). Follow me on Twitter at @SarahJL or @Twytter_Tips.


Contributors (Thanks!):
 You might also like to see Top 10 perks of the UPCOMING Obama presidency…

82 comments:

  1. ·You resolve to get off Twitter to get some work done but can't remember when you had that thought, and anyway @guykawasaki is just now saying that Alltop …
    · @guykawasaki DMs you but you miss it because you get too many all at once

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  2. You would never need to wear a tracking device if you were convicted of something because your BrightKite tweets make you easier to track than Barack Obama.

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  3. You find a note on the kitchen table: “@Mom, please bring home milk and DM me if I can go to @Jason’s house.”

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  4. You dream that everyone has @ symbols where their faces should be.

    or

    You start writing on your actual blog and realize u start wrtng shrt form 2 fit what u want n 140 chars. Then you realize it's not necessary & decide to stop writing and go check out what's happening on twitter.

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  5. LOL...

    You begin to think in updates via your categories in TweetDeck... And discuss it in the same fashion.

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  6. you go through each of your friends and respond personally @eachperson then realize you probably flooded at least 30 pages back in your less popular friends.

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  7. When u go online to find that recipe, you get so many DMs you logon to twitter & forget to eat dinner, much less cook it.

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  8. You don't do a confession in church because you twittered it already

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  9. When your dog has her own twitter account.
    Twitter.com/Lola_Eco_dog

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  10. You can't have a face2face convo with anyone without picturing clicking on the 'Replies' button.

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  11. This is hilarious. And some are true for me, in addition to getting a higher score than @grader on twitter.grader.com:

    "#3 You never make a decision anymore without first considering how interesting it will sound to your Twitter followers." except for Will it get me on Favrd? is my real question.

    "#6 Your @name starts appearing in other people's Twitter jokes." This happens enough that I've learned to keep search.twitter.com open to search for mentions.

    "#10 You respond @eachperson to all friends then realize you probably flooded 30 pages into the feeds of your less popular friends." I've lost followers for tweeting too much, and one who said they were tired of "you and @Astrogirl426 talking to each other, filling up my timeline"

    "#11 You know how to tweet wearing gloves when it's cold." I don't, but would be interested to learn.

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  12. I've noticed that with @AstroGirl426 and @TidyCat. I guess sweet people use Twitter for IM sometimes—I'm guilty myself at times!

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  13. -You insist that all of your friends sign up for Twitter, but wait to follow them until they say something interesting.

    -You're thinking about applying for a new job, but wonder if it is a Twitter-friendly environment.

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  14. when your husband says that the most fitting analogy for explaining his life is that he feels like one of the people in those verizon commercials... crowds of invisible people following him everywhere...

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  15. when you get wedding presents from people you have never met in real life... they are just twitter buddies..

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  16. You decide not to tweet your bad experience at a chain restaurant, just in case the CEO decides to follow your tweets and then vows never to hire you to voice their spots.

    Hey, it could happen.

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  17. All your thoughts become micro-thoughts, and then other people start to promote your micro-thoughts...

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  18. Your cold has its own twitter account. Yep, check out Digg's founder: @kevinscold.

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  19. you attempt writing a haiku in 140 characters or less

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  20. Ah, not to worry as I've fixed twitterfeed so that I don't look like I'm twittering too much. But interestingly enough, twitter has taught me to be precise with what I have to say as I have a tendency to get long-winded and go off on a tangent ... at least that's what hubby keeps telling me every time we try to have a discussion.

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  21. You write articles called "6 Reasons I am a Twitter Crack Whore" (http://www.mikevolpe.com/bid/6032/6-Reasons-I-m-a-Twitter-Crack-Whore)

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  22. You no longer like 'talking.' You now prefer talking in tweets... Or 'twalking.'


    The race to achieve 140 characters is a constant in or around you.


    And I seriously just checked the above comments in twitter to see if they made the 140 cutoff mark.

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  23. LMAO This is great! BTW I was unemployed, and did manage to find a new job with Twitter-friendly environment. In fact, I have a work account;)

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  24. Awesome! Very good - you so made my day.

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  25. Aside from #33, I'd have to agree. If I ever catch myself involved in any of the others, I will check myself into Twitter detox. Or maybe I'll just get drunk and forget about my computer.

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  26. This might be more frightening than funny. Okay, it's still funny, but I'm reviewing it carefully to make sure I'm not doing very many of these things.

    Malcolm

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  27. Rock and Roll MamaThursday, November 13, 2008

    Hi, my name is @, and I'm a Twitter addict. I will admit to thinking about what's happening in my little alternate universe when Im away from it for more than...oh, let's say 10 minutes. LOL. Thaanks for this!

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  28. You know you're in trouble when you're on Sarah's blog and you try to follow her, thinking that you're on Twitter.

    Uh, yeah - that would be me doing that.

    Thanks Sarah....very funny list!

    @marsha

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  29. You type e-mails and just hit ENTER, then wonder why it doesn't go..

    You look for the UNFOLLOW button during boring TV shows.

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  30. When thinking to yourself, you find that you're thinking in abbreviated format like; "Y can't these ppl learn to p/u their own damn dirty socks?"

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  31. When you find yourself converting all your blog posts to excerpts :)

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  32. You have flashbacks to the days of BBSs, and wonder why did it take so long for the 'Web to appear...

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  33. You are followed by Obama and receive direct messages seeking advice on how to run country

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  34. your twitter name becomes your real name

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  35. This is too funny, but true. My emails are beginning to look like Tweets. Would that be a Tweet-mail?

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  36. "#6 Your @name starts appearing in other people's Twitter jokes." This one even made it onto Favrd:
    http://textism.com/favrd/tweet/1010338584

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  37. I've only been tweeting for two weeks and I'm already halfway there!

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  38. And you freak out when twitter goes down for a few hours and wonder if you will ever see your friends again - devastation!

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  39. Oof! Thank goodness I'm not that popular!

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  40. Hmm.. is this what I might become?!

    Maybe I should run whilst I still have a chance :p

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  41. I love this post! OMG! Please let me be one of your loyal followers, LOL! Too funny.

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  42. This is so true! I kept nodding as I read each one. I might add that I get upset when ping does twiccups for one of my blog posts. Don't you hate when that happens?

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  43. You try to log onto your e-mail account using your twitter password.
    angie_seattle

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  44. You spend election day at the polls (while you're supposed to be a legal observer) compulsively checking your phone for #2008 election results.

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  45. Hilarious ! Could see myself in many of them :)

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  46. When you have to read *this* article in three sessions - because you went to check twitter in between.

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  47. I love this one! It is so funny :-) A great way to meet you! I like your style.

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  48. You know you are too popular on twitter when you hate yourself because you don't have any friends in the real world.

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  49. Twitter Consultant For Hire: love your site. Twitaddict. Teriss

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  50. Hey, I love these. I wrote about the 7 biggest mistakes twitter users are making on my blog, but this list is very funny.

    I love it, and unfortunately for me with so many followers a lot of it is true (for me!)

    Well written!

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  51. When you're supposed to be off twitter, you're making up new twords. You share the twords with your twouse who rolls their eyes at you and goes to bed.

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  52. That was great! I especially like the twitter widow... He's like... so do you ever no have twitters on ur cell?

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  53. haha I had a good read and a hearty laugh! Now, I am all healthy because of this blog entry!! Thanks Sarah!

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  54. It is scary how true this list is. I started on twitter during October and I'm totally addicted. I don't remember life without it.

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  55. This is a HUGE list but well worth it!

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  56. twitdow...priceless!!
    and my hubby was worried when all i did was bloghop and plurk. then along came twitter...not to mention facebook...
    i'm a mess!!

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  57. Believe it or not, I'm new enough to Twitter that I didn't get some of the jokes! That is quickly changing though...I may be developing an addiction.

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  58. I am COLD busted at #44... red-handed rotflmao!!

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  59. Absolutely hysterical. And, I was nodding to WAY too many of these.
    -Rachel (@bostonmarketer)-

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  60. I want to Tweet everything, and when I can't (internet is down, Twitter is down, or I'm actually working), I find myself Tweeting internally. Time for a Blackberry!

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  61. I follow the dogs and cats with twitter accounts and have deep conversations with them....there it's out. :)

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  62. You're so addicted to Twittering that you forget to visit the powder room and contemplate investing in some Depends.

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  63. lol.. this is one humourous and insightful post. I wonder if I clicked myself in after seeing this tweet, instead of people sending me the link via DM, would that mean I'm self-awared that I'm in a over-twittering crisis?

    Great list, something to ponder indeed. Be social online, and offline, if possible. ^^

    @wchingya
    Social Media/Blogging

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  64. you spend your last $200 to upgrade to an iPhone so you can get Twitterfone & read twits ALL the time.

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  65. I love number 3. I am FAST becoming a Twitaddict!
    Fun read and very clever.

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  66. Great Stuff!
    ...this list is simply unbetweetable!!!

    @businessethos

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  67. Another one...You know you're a twitter addict when you're eating dinner @ a restaurant & you've got pen & paper handy to write a new twitter feature...Yikes! LOL ;) Super List!

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  68. Really a grate ideas of twitting on twitter

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  69. Too funny... and yes, most of these things have happened. :)

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  70. You can't get any real work done because you have to stop every 5 minutes and check your stats at http://TwitterCounter.com so you can take a screenshot. You're pissed if you don't take your final TwitterCounter screenshot right before midnight to commerate the final total for the day.

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    ReplyDelete
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  73. Your Cat has his own twitter account (http://twitter.com/Nikita_TwitPuss).

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  74. Thanks for the post! :)

    As a fan of Twitter humor, thought you might like this... Webbed Marketing, a leading Internet marketing agency in the midwest, produced a new parody song about not drinking and tweeting. Check it out here, http://bit.ly/bI7QLO, and make sure you don't become a #hastag!

    Thanks,

    Courtney Cooper
    Webbed Marketing
    www.webbedmarketing.com

    ReplyDelete
  75. Some of those are absolutely hilarious. Thanks for brightening up my dull Tuesday!

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  76. yeah. i like this information. thanks u. and i love twitter. lol

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  77. I really love using twitter because this is a very simple social network to be able to easily update the status whenever and wherever
    Contribute a better translation

    ReplyDelete