From blog.tweetsmarter.com: - People don’t invite you out—they go without you and livetweet you about it.
- Because you instantly tweet about everything you do, you no longer see the point of confessing in church.
- You know where the Twitter Twanonymous 12-step meetings are held (“Hi, my name is @, and I'm a Twittaddict…”).
- You gossip like a complete Twit: “What a failwhale! Her mistweeted tweetahead retweet got her uninvited from the tweetup and the twitcast. With tweetard twittiquette like that she'll never be in the twitterati twibe.”
- You never do anything without first considering how Twitterrific it will sound on Twitter.
- You lie about how much you Twitter to keep your friends and loved ones from trying to organize a Twittervention against you. You are always jumpy when you go out, afraid they will throw a net over you and pry your blackberry away.
- Everyone knows that while you’re technically still married, your spouse is actually a “Twittdow” (Twitter widow).
- Whenever you get long-winded, your spouse tells you to “Shut up if you can't talk like we do on Twitter.”
- Watching court TV you thought the bailiff said “Please be tweeted,” instead of “Please be seated.”
- In your dreams, everyone has @ symbols where faces should be.
- You have two homepages: twitter.com, and status.twitter.com …not necessarily in that order.
- You're Scobelizing your time, resources and life away.
- Big events nearly give you a heart attack every time—from simultaneously trying to listen to it on TV, tweet, and see what everyone else is tweeting about it
- You start to think in 140-character thoughts using abbreviations with too many exclamation points and question marks: “Y can't these ppl learn to p/u their own damn dirty socks. It’s thx 4 nothing 4 all the work I do around here, imho. Y do I p/u with this??!!”
- Two-hundred thirty-seven people already sent you this blog post this morning.
- If it weren't for Twitter, you would have no contact with other living beings 167½ out of 168 hours each week. (It would be never, if grocery delivery to your door was available in your area.)
- People DM you before calling so that they know you will answer.
- When you see thousands of people following the “Can you hear me now?” guy around in ads…you know just how he feels.
- Your kids know they won't get your attention unless the notes they leave on the kitchen table say something like “@Mom, please bring home milk and DM me if I can go to @Jason’s house.”
- You have your real name legally changed to your @twitterName.
- Obama and Kevin Rose follow you…and DM you when they need advice.
- You get the “Twitter Twitch”—you've twittered until two in the morning and now all you can do is lay in bed and twitch.
- You never leave the site except to go to Tweet-ups.
- More people know you by your Twitter picture than by what you actually look like.
- You don't bother to have your Twitter client automatically startup on boot because doesn't everyone sleep with Twitter on the laptop next to them in bed?
- When Twitter goes down, you have to restrain yourself from trying to tweet about, and write in your blog until it comes back online.
- You understand Twitler's every reference and know exactly how he feels.
- You are always accidentally trying your Twitter password to log onto things.
- You need a job, but you can't find one with a Twitter-friendly environment so you remain unemployed…and Twittering about it.
- You're more popular on twitter.grader.com than @grader itself.
- Your @name starts appearing in other people's Twitter jokes.
- You decide to do a quick check of your tweets before your email - and it ends up being hours before you read your email.
- You freak out when twitter goes down for a few hours and wonder if you will ever see your friends again!
- You look for the UNFOLLOW button during boring TV shows.
- You find yourself in an actual, honest-to-goodness face-to-face conversation…and catch yourself looking for the “reply” button.
- You start to think of everything in @’s as in “I wish @husband would take the garbage out…”
- You would never need to wear a tracking device if you were convicted of something because your BrightKite tweets make you easier to track than Barack Obama.
- You get wedding presents from Twitter friends you have never met in real life.
- You resolve to get off Twitter to get some work done but can't remember when you had that thought, and anyway @guykawasaki is just now saying that Alltop is cool because …
- @guykawasaki DMs you but you miss it because you get too many DMs all at once.
- When your realize you're having heart palpitations from being so hyped up trying to reply to your thousands of DMs and @'s.
- You tweet wearing gloves when the heat goes out.
- Twitter's business model depends on your tweets. Either that, or they get money from Greenpeace for saving the Fail Whale.
- It takes you three tries to read this post—because you have to check twitter in between.
- You’ve long since forgotten what it was like to have friends in the real world in the days “BT” (before Twitter).
- When you're off twitter, you make up new twords. You share the twords with your twouse who rolls their eyes at you and goes back to sleep.
- Your dog has her own twitter account.
- Your name is @conniecrosby.
- When u go online to find that recipe, you get so many DMs you logon to twitter & forget to eat dinner, much less cook it.
- You decide not to tweet your bad experience at a chain restaurant, just in case the CEO decides to follow your tweets and then vows never to hire you to voice their spots…Hey, with Twitter, it could happen!
- You write articles called "6 Reasons I am a Twitter Crack Whore"
- You respond @eachperson to all friends then realize you probably flooded 30 pages into the feeds of your less popular friends (…a common misconception! Here's how it really works.)
- You start writing on your actual blog and realize u start wrtng shrt form 2 fit what u want n 140 chars. Then you realize it's not necessary & decide to stop writing and go check out what's happening on twitter.
- Your mind begins to think in update format, categorizing people into TweetDeck columns... and you talk to people the same way.
- You insist that all of your friends sign up for Twitter, but wait to follow them until they say something interesting.
- All your thoughts become micro-thoughts, and then other people start to promote your micro-thoughts...
- When Billionaires like Richard Branson of The Famed Virgin Brand start following YOU on Twitter.
- Your cold has its own twitter account. Yep, check out Digg's founder: @kevinscold.
- You no longer like 'talking.' You now prefer talking in tweets... Or 'twalking.' You are constantly competing in your mind to communicate in 140 characters or less.
- You realize Twitter should be called “Twitch” for how compulsively your fingers are at needing to keep typing something.
- You type e-mails and just hit ENTER - then wonder why it didn't go.
- When you find yourself converting all your blog posts to excerpts.
- You're supposed to be a legal observer, but you spend election day at the polls compulsively checking your phone for Twitter hashtag election results.
- It gives you flashbacks to the BBS days
- You find yourself nodding knowingly to every item on this list

Contributors (Thanks!):
- QuantumGood
- Heartsong
- Tjonsek
- Archiwiz
- Aeris_Reborn
- Axel Schultze
- PawLux.com
- Joeschmitt
- tva
- @morate
- Roguepuppet
- dhvoice
- ptamaro
- Ladin_Ventures
- JenniferAkers
- zenboy
- Jaguar Julie
- Mike Volpe
- archiwiz
- Rock & Roll Mama
- znmeb
- David Niall Wilson
- Dani
- PurelyCosmetics
- kittyanydots
- Wisequeen (via Digg.com)
- Wonder
- TerriZSoloCEO
- Pmdekker
- Scott the Entertainer
- Tia Singh/@tiasparkles
- GinaLaGuardia
- Lawyer Mama
- Angie_Seattle
- Harshadsharma
- CyberCulture News
- Skwigg
- Astrogirl426
- DeAnna Troupe
- Mary Canady

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