If there is love or there once was, don't give up on it without reading this first:
I got home that night as my wife served dinner, and held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to tell her: I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly, I thought.
She wasn't annoyed, simply asked softly, “Why?”
I avoided the question, and she got angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted “You are not a man!” That night, we didn't talk again. She wept. I knew she wanted to know what happened to our marriage. But I could hardly answer, I had fallen with my heart for a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore..I just pitied her!
Feeling deeply guilty, I drafted a divorce agreement: she would own the house, car, and 30% of my company. She tore it to pieces after barely a glance. This woman who I had spent ten years of my life with was now a stranger to me.
I felt badly for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said—I loved Dew dearly. Finally, she cried very loudly in front of me. I expected this. To me, her crying was a release. The idea of divorce had obsessed me for several weeks, and seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The following day, I arrived home quite late and found her writing at the table. I went straight to bed (without supper) and fell asleep quickly, fatigued after an eventful day with Dew. When I awoke, she was still at the table writing! I didn’t care and quickly fell asleep again.
That morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me. But … she needed a month's notice before the divorce. She asked that for one month we struggle together to live as normal a life as possible, pointing out our son's exams were in a months time and she didn't want to disrupt him.
I agreed, but she had something more. She asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes
and said softly, don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote:
I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property , the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
@David_N_Wilson responded “That would take an entire blog entry (maybe several?) Maybe we should organize a day for tweeting about who to follow & why,” and I wrote back “You know, I think that's a GREAT idea. We SHOULD write blog posts about who we follow and why. You're a genius!”
