Thursday, December 24, 2009

The patented 5-step process: How to Hug a Baby

Step 1: Find a baby

Mission accomplished!

Step 2: Verify that what you have found is indeed a baby: Employ classic sniffing techniques.

Yup, it's a baby!

Step 3: Be sure to flatten the baby before actually beginning the final hugging process.

Good work!

Step 4: Slide paws around baby in preparation for close-up (the 'paw slide').

Well done!

Step 5: Wait for a camera to appear. (If all previous steps have been performed accurately this is inevitable.) Perform the difficult and patented 'hug, smile, and lean' for best photo quality.

Love to you all!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Of love and cookies

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on many sheets of wax paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

“Stay out of those,” she said.

“They're for the funeral.”